It recently occurred to me that in my life, I have people who share many qualities of mine: being trans, being polyamorous, being vegan, my strongly (even radically?) leftist politics, and so on. Berlin has been a kind of haven for me, a place where for the first time in my life I kind of feel normal in a certain context, something I never expected to feel.
The Berlin leftie scene doesn’t tend to cater to my spiritual urges, another large aspect of me, but even if I’ve had to compartmentalise I’ve found people to share in that with. However, there’s one thing which no-one in my immediate surroundings seems to share with me: being a lightworker.
Perhaps that’s just because it’s a rare thing to be; or perhaps I haven’t drawn other lightworkers to me because until now, that aspect of me has been partly dormant. I don’t know.
Whatever the case, there is that part of me that feels alone. Like I’m taking on this huge undertaking alone. Perhaps as I explore this more, that will change.
You Don’t Just Choose To Be A Lightworker
I recently saw an article named “Why I’m No Longer A Lightworker”. I didn’t really read the article, besides a very brief skim, but the title of the article amused me somehow. Now, I know people have different understandings of words, and the word “lightworker” is particularly difficult in that regard. But from my personal understanding of the word “lightworker”, the title of the article gave a similar impression to if the author had written, “why I’m no longer gay”.
I guess most of my readers will understand that you don’t simply just choose not to be gay one day based on a philosophical shift. Your sexual orientation is a deep, almost essential part of you. Your choices basically come down to whether you heed the calling of who you are, or whether you fight it, ignore it, bury it.
What It Feels Like To Be A Lightworker
It feels the same way with being a lightworker. Almost eerily similar. Being a lightworker for me is a really deep, essential part of who I am. I could ignore it and bury it for a long time, but I couldn’t change it. Heeding it was the only way to be at peace with who I was.
The lightworker calling… how do I describe it? If I close my eyes, I imagine myself being carried along in a river of light. This river is a force, a force for awakening, healing, and love. I’m allowing myself to be part of that flow.
I know plenty of activists and I suppose that I have something in common with them. But I suppose the difference between just being an activist and being an actual lightworker is that I have some kind of consciousness of the spiritual flow which I’m part of. I let myself be guided by intuition, by my creative impulse; I choose to develop myself spiritually, creating inside me that which I want to create in the world. I avoid anger and hatred and excessive conflict, knowing that these energies create repercussions in unseen ways. I understand activism through energy. Ultimately I know that no perfect system thought up in someone’s brain can save us, but the energies of peace and love. This is not airy-fairy; it’s the plain truth. If humans can’t learn to feel compassion for each other, they will continue to hurt each other, no matter how well they are governed. Luckily, I believe compassion can be created, expanded, propagated. And that is the work I am called to be part of.
A Life Calling
The other difference between being a lightworker and just being an activist is, I feel that my entire life is about this. Sure, I can do self-oriented things, and in fact I must, since I’m still human and have needs and desires. But ultimately, on my deathbed I know the only way I won’t be disappointed with my life is if I can say “I did my best to expand compassion on Earth.”
Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I sense the spiritual world as a presence in everyday life, and as such, I know that death is no threat to me. I do not fear giving my life away to a cause. I will always have more lives to live.
Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that when I was younger I knew I could do anything with my life, and it was already clear to me that most “normal” life purposes were hollow and pointless, at least for me. I needed something that really felt meaningful to me, and as I searched within myself, I discovered that the lightworker calling was that thing.
Or perhaps it’s because I sense deeply that another world is possible, that love is possible. I have a deep instinct about the way things are “supposed” to be. And this instinct makes it clear to me that Earth is not a holiday destination. I’m certain that if I wanted to, I could incarnate next time on a planet of peace and love – that is, paradise – and that my soul would fit in there, vibrationally speaking. If I incarnated here of all places, it was for a reason. So in order to make meaning out of the horror of living on this world, I need to honour my reason for being here. To do anything else would be to suffer unnecessarily. If I want to be anything other than a lightworker, there are a million places to do it that would be so much nicer.
So that’s what being a lightworker means to me. Other people will have different conceptions of the term, I’m sure. I can’t tell them they are wrong, though I have to say I prefer this interpretation, which comes from a real emotional or energetic resonance in me, to other frameworks which I find to be very cerebral, very theoretical. Ultimately, any concept is only as good as what you get out of it, of course.