I’ve done a lot of different occupations in my three years living, or attempting to live, independently. Though not always with total commitment as this article is titled. (Yes, that was superfluous).
Briefly, and in roughly chronological order, I was a:
Half-assed English As A Second Language teacher
Article Writer (mostly through Constant Content)
Prospective movie extra/model
Prospective male prostitute for women
English teacher again
All through that I’ve also been a blogger. I’m currently still an English teacher.
I spent various amounts of time in each of these occupations, occasionally overlapping them (and, well, overlapping everything with being a blogger). The biggest things here were cooking, teaching English and practising reiki, which all occupied the larger part of my efforts for at least a month. The smallest things here often were only as much as a single job, or in the case of Male Prostitute, a single advert which got no replies.
In these three years I’ve slowly worked my way towards having my feet more and more on the ground, really healing up my root chakra and getting that energy into my every day life. Bit by bit I lost my aversion to working and started feeling able to really do something with total commitment rather than in a half-assed way.
I wanted to avoid work, and got into such unsavoury occupations as vagabond and thief, because I saw work and money as a struggle against society. I hated having to earn my living rather than being unconditionally supported by society as I thought it should support me. (I still think society should do that, though I don’t fight this moral battle with it in the same way). I hated the idea of being forced to work and couldn’t escape that feeling even when working for myself. So, I worked as little as possible and tried to survive and keep my independence by any means possible, so long as I could work the minimum.
I tried many of these various occupations almost on a whim, with the idea that things could be easy and I could *escape working* easily. For me success was that. An escape.
So most of these occupations lasted only one or two half-assed attempts and didn’t earn me any real money at all. But, how could they have done? I never really put myself into them.
I think that any attempt to earn one’s living through something must be done with the acceptance and understanding that for people to give you the money you need to earn your living, and for you to get this to happen without resorting to dishonesty or any form of manipulation or extortion, you must make your efforts really *matter* to people. Your efforts must matter enough that they’ll be ready to give you, jointly, enough money to live off. Who matters to you that much? When was the last time that someone looking for a quick fix ever mattered to you that much?
I’ve realised that with anything which I want to be my occupation and money earner, I must give myself to it fully.
It might not be something that occupies ALL of my time or every last drop of my energy, but I need to be able to say I gave it my all, was doing everything I could to get it to work even if I didn’t know if it would work or not.
I need to be able to let go of this half-assed-ness which exists as an excuse for not having what I want. An excuse for holding onto my sense of victimhood. To release myself into the vulnerability that comes with not holding back one inch on working for my desires.
This also means I can’t pick just any occupation for myself. I can think of a billion things that would be nice to do or I think I’d do well or I think the world needs. But does it fire me up? Can I do it superlatively? Can I see myself giving myself utterly to it, every single inch of my being?
If I can’t, I think it’s not worth my bother. What’s more, I won’t bother. Even if I try. Unless I feel I can give myself fully to something, and commit to doing so, the attempt is destined to fizzle out, vanish, and die. Maybe that’s because I refuse to have a boss forcing me to do it. Maybe it’s because I’m just not good at doing things I don’t want to do. But I see that as a good thing, because it makes my options much clearer.
By eliminating half-assedness and demanding of myself total commitment to whatever I do, I simplify life a lot. Different whim-businesses are just clutter in the space of my life’s efforts. I clean out all the clutter and focus on what matters. I get results then, both for myself, for my clients, and for the world.