As I’m in the process of learning self-love and self-kindness, I’ve started to think about certain double standards.
Socially speaking, it’s acceptable to talk about yourself in abusive ways. You can say about yourself that you’re ugly, stupid, useless, and so on. If you started speaking like this to someone else, saying that they were ugly or stupid or whatever, they would rightly get very angry at you.
In a way, it’s a little better to speak like this to yourself than to speak like this to others, because you can be assured of having consent to this sort of treatment. Perhaps you’re just kinky like that. If so, I am not one to argue with you.
However, I’d like to suggest that you consider a different viewpoint. What if there was no difference between talking to yourself harshly and talking to another person harshly? What if you applied your moral code equally to your treatment of yourself and of others?
And it’s not just self-talk that has this kind of double standard. People often treat themselves harshly by eating unhealthy food, or not performing self care, or working too hard. Suppose you had a child or a sick partner in your care, and had to help them with everyday tasks. You probably wouldn’t give them crappy food, or neglect them, or force them to work too hard. (Ever noticed how parents try to get their kids to eat healthier than they themselves eat?).
Basically, I’ve decided that if I think it’s immoral or unethical to treat someone else a certain way, it’s also immoral or unethical to treat myself in that way. If I’m being an asshole to myself and not to others, I’m still being an asshole. Basically, I’m not making a distinction between my self and other people; we’re all people. My self is just a person I interact with a lot; a person who is dependent on me; and one who doesn’t fight back if I insult her.
But them not being able to fight back was never a good reason to abuse someone.