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April 19, 2010

Spanking (updated)

When I was a child, my father did his best to teach me that I was a bad person through what he called “spanking“. This means hitting me or beating me when I did something he considered to be wrong.

Nowadays I would not have agreed with his judgements about what I did wrong or not, but even apart from that I feel that with his violence, what he called spanking, he only taught me that I was worthless, disgusting, and unworthy of love.

I responded badly to this treatment and for most of my life I was full of anger, self hatred, and other repressed emotions. Life started to really open up to me only about a year ago, when Erin Pavlina’s reading catalysed me into waking up to so much of myself that I had buried.

It’s only been a few months since I understood why intuitive counsellors told me I had self love issues and I connected it to my horrible past. To this practise, “spanking”, and other displays of unlove, insensitivity, and neglect.

I still get very angry about all of this, in fact I’m rewriting this post right now to clear its tone, so I don’t trust myself to make a post that will weigh up the facts in a balaced manner for my readers’ benefit. However, I can bring attention to the issue and the words of others who can explain it better.

According to some sources, 9 out of 10 children have been spanked – have been hit – by their parents. I don’t want to use the word spanking by the way – that is a euphemism. Hitting your children is hitting them.

I remember once having been beaten heavily by my father – the worst “spanking” and the worst humiliation of my life. It was at a party. He’d taken me out of the crowd to administer this abuse in private. Then when I returned to the party, I was crying and telling everyone I could find, trying to get people to sympathise with me and defend me. No-one did. I remember one person actually laughing at me, as if it wasn’t something I should need defending from.

Many, even most people disagree that there is anything wrong with hitting their children, especially not if it’s under the guise of a pretty term like “spanking”. My parents, of course, are among those people, and in my need to please them I found my mind conflicted between my indigo child instinct for truth and the viewpoint I inherited from them.

Why isn’t this being talked about? I want to shout this message from the rooftops. Apathy can’t go on here. “Spanking”? Say it like it is. Say hitting. Say cruelty and humiliation. gave me the strength to speak these words. “Parents who deliver the so-called “good smack” are not teaching their children that hot stoves and busy streets are dangerous. They are teaching them that the grownups upon whom they depend are dangerous. That’s a bad lesson.”

Thank you, I’ll pass on the mic now to you, who have said it better than I ever could:

Plain talk about spanking

Please share this post through the links at the end of the page if you agree that word needs to get out about this form of abuse.

Love,  Sophia

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  1. Meghan says:

    Thanks for writing this article. I often talk to people who believe that spanking is the only way to keep a child under control in certain circumstances. I’ve seen religious websites that describe techniques for spanking, such as using implements and hugging the child afterwards. It literally makes me sick to my stomach, and I’ve learned that I should just ignore it, because the effect is has on me is so negative. I’m always glad when I see posts like this that understand this plain, outright insanity. I plan on one day having children, and although it’s a long time away, I’ve already read a great deal on disciplining lovingly and in a way that builds self esteem rather than destroys it. Thanks again =)

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