I’ve seen a lot of talk about sex and spirituality and I have this strong sense that there is something very off about a lot of what people are saying.
The gist seems to be that on the one hand, there is sex. On the other hand, there is spirituality. They are incompatible; in some way polar opposites. You can make sex spiritual, “purify” it so to speak, but unless you do so by default it isn’t.
For me that idea contains two errors. At least. Let’s start with the first two which have occurred to me.
First is that spirituality is not about what is good or bad, what is dirty or pure. Spirituality is about growth and truth and raising your vibration. It’s about finding out what is the deepest truth of your soul and expressing it. If chastity is the deepest truth of your soul, express it, but not because sex is dirty or bad.
Next point. Sex and spirituality are not opposites. Just as spirituality does not equate to “good” or “pure”, sex does not equate to “bad” or “dirty”. Spirituality is an apple, sexuality is an orange. There is no cosmic gradient, no scale of purity or holiness in which we find spirituality on one end and sexuality on the other.
For me, when you disdain sex this way, or praise Tantric sex while inferring that other sorts of sex are worthy of disdain, you are just putting a “spiritual” veil on top of your guilt and shame about sex. That is what I’d call the opposite of spiritual. If spirituality is growth, then its opposite would be covering up issues in order to avoid having to grow.
The True Nature of Sex
So what is sex? Sex is just sex. It’s a biological function. As a function it’s not just limited to reproduction, but also within this species it helps us to release tensions and to bond. (In other primates it serves the same function as well, so this is not just limited to creatures who have an ego).
Sex is natural, and we (asexual people notwithstanding) need it to be healthy in a similar way we need sleep to be healthy. Some rare people live without sleep, and deprivation of either sex or sleep won’t kill you directly, but will reduce your ability to function and enjoy life.
Like sleep and food, sex is a bodily need that is very pleasurable to keep fulfilled. And that’s all it really is.
Sex and Love
What about love? Must sex be done with love? What happens if it’s not done with love?
In my opinion, sex is a great way to bond with someone, and a great opportunity to express love. It’s not the same as love, however. And God won’t punish you for having sex without love.
What I will say is that lack of love is a sickness, and this sickness becomes quite obvious in the realm of sex. I find sex without heart to heart connection very cold and desolate. But actually, I find it desolate to do ANYTHING with someone who cannot connect with me in an authentic and spiritual way.
Sex without love is destructive. However, eating without love is destructive. And so is anything you do without love. There is nothing special about sex, nothing that separates it fundamentally from any other thing we do.
There are such things as meditations through sex which are quite effective, and there are ways of playing with sexual energy to get it to help you do stuff. Some of these things come under the label of Tantra, some have different names.
In this article I don’t want to say that these practices have no value. I simply want to tear down the all too common misconception of sex as something to be changed. For me these practices are things to play with, but don’t change the fact that sex is important, natural, and a part of us. We can’t do Tantra all the time and neglect to have normal sex. I mean, we could, but the only real reason I imagine people would ONLY have sex in a meditative way and eschew all other sex is because they secretly thought sex was dirty.
And if a Tantric master is reading this (where have you been all my life?) I want to apologise for any glaring errors. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you can have Tantric sex all the time. But to focus on that point would be to miss the message I’m aiming to get across with this post. Sex is healthy and is not inherently low vibration. It’s a part of us and can’t be manipulated or changed without that damage reverbating on us. That’s all I’m saying.
High and Low Vibration Sex
I know sex can mix itself with low energies. I know it can. And I think it’s an excellent thing to work out how sexuality in your life has low vibrations attached to it, and cleanse those vibrations.
But that’s nothing to do with sex itself. Sex fundamentally has nothing to do with low vibrations. It’s neither high or low vibration, and neither causes you to raise or lower your vibration. As with food, the love and consciousness you put into sex will determine how healthful or unhealthful it is for you. And that’s all.
Sex and Spirituality
And if you are still trying to change sex, start doing some spiritual self work and learn to just leave it be. It’s a beautiful, wonderful part of ourselves that just wants to be expressed, and isn’t happy about how people have kept demonising it. Life is a game, eating’s a game, sex is a game. Don’t make it anything more than that. Just take it for what it is and enjoy.
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