Darkworkers and Lightworkers
December 13, 2010
Understanding My Past
January 28, 2011

Reality, Alive

It’s been a long time since I used to live a different life, think in a different way. Or maybe it hasn’t been such a long time, but it feels like it has been.

Once I thought life was different. I guess I thought life was forsaken, lonely, alone. A coldness pervaded the way I viewed the Universe, and how my life was, too.

Now things are different.

Things are so fundamentally different now it’s like up has become down and gravity has stopped being a rule.

Things would seem so fundamentally unreal now through the lens of the person I was a few years ago. A lifetime ago, a few years ago. You know.

I died and I am here again, a new person. Nothing before made any sense. Now things make sense.

Reality Is Different

I live in a new reality now. Once I believed in what my parents believed in. Then I died to myself and found new things to believe in.

Killing a reality is the hardest thing you can ever do. It’s like killing yourself, because it seems that without reality being the way you thought it was, who are you? Everything you thought you were was attached to reality being a certain way. And now that person is dead. Goodbye, reality. Hello, the new you.

Here you are. You, 2.

You, 2

Once, life was a Godless affair. It was cogs and mathematics and Darwinism and, theoretically, you could predict anything with a computer powerful enough. That was reality.

Now, life is:

A vast vortex of light which all springs from. An incredible dream. Pure life, made solid.

Veins of light and incredible vibrating heart energy throbbing through everything. Coursing through creation. An incredible force, infinite life.

That’s what life is.

Life is… alive.

Before, everything was dead. Everything felt dead. Now everything is alive.

Dead Reality

Dead… everything was dead.

I wrote a story once called “Grey Dreams.” It was about a girl who was in a psychiatric ward because people thought she was crazy. She wasn’t.

Life was like that. A grey dream. Deadness animated. Zombies were made to be a metaphor for this.

How can people live like this? Eternally dead. They don’t get it, but they’re dead. Dead men walking. Dead women, too. Just dead. They don’t even know what they are. They’re dead.

How can the dead wake into life? Somehow, they can. I did. That, for me, is the greatest miracle. God would be hard put to do better.

Life was dead and now it’s alive.

Living Reality

How does this work? Life was dead and now it’s alive. The world around me was dead but now it’s living and breathing. Reality was dead and now it’s God. In every step of my path, reality is living and breathing, and I’m breathing with it. We’re breathing each other in and out. Every day is a miracle. How does this work? How does life change like this?

I was scared to feel before. But now life isn’t such an overwhelm. I try and ask God to go at my pace – and It does. Reality lets me walk my own path at my pace. I know what I want and I keep walking… keep walking…

Reality loves me and that’s why I know I’ll never stop moving on. I’ll never feel alone. I’ll never be forsaken — I’ll never need to feel that again, not even in my darkest moment.

And moments won’t be so dark again anymore. Not even the dark will be that dark.

Love is coming out of me. Love is making a new world for me.


It’s all I want. The one thing that makes sense. The one thing that is real. Love. It’s who I am.

I’m being that love now – I’m being it right into the world. I’m flowing it out. It’s being me, out, into the world.

I’m so happy! I’m love.

And the more I give, the more I am.

I love this.

I love being love. I love setting me free. The more I become free, the more it flows. The more it all flows.

Life is good when you’re love. Think of it. You’re pure light. You’re pure freedom.

Expect to never fear death, ever again.

1… 2… 3…

We are free. Let’s go. Life is waiting. Let’s go for it. Let’s get out there. Let’s be what we are for once. It’s what we’re made for. Nothing’s ever going to hurt us again.

There’s nothing left that could ever hurt us.

I love you.

We are love.

Holy crap, we are alive. This is an unbelievable miracle.

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  1. Jeanne says:

    SO, SO glad my spirits guided me to check up on you! What an awesome testament to life — what perfect words! I could feel your coming to life, over and over, and I kept feeling YES, YES, YES! My favorite: “Veins of light and incredible vibrating heart energy throbbing through everything” — and “we’re breathing each other in and out”– you find such wonderful ways of expressing the sublime. Yay, let’s celebrate!! I’m sure you know now, why I think to myself so often, “I’m in love.” period. Not with anyone/anything in particular — when I say it I’m saying I’m IN love, as in EXISTING in it, because I believe that ultimately that’s all that is.
    Glad to see you in the Embrace! Rock on, Cutie, I love you too!

  2. Maribel says:

    I´m really happy to read this one. Totally felt it…….. the big change has been done…..and dark will never be as dark as before,because the smallest light from your heart will be enough.
    Shine around….live your life………shiny

  3. Sophia Gubb says:

    Thanks so much guys 🙂

  4. Eva says:

    I googled the name of my blog and found this post. Beautiful. I think I’d like to link to it because it says so much about what my blog is about as well, though it seems that you are coming from the opposite past as me. I’m going to look at your blog more when I get a chance. Eva

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