Ego Death On MDMA
October 23, 2016
Getting A Bianco Forte Blender
December 9, 2016

Fear Vs. Joy

A while ago, a very cute friend of mine made a post on her Facebook wall. (Hi Phoenix!) The post said something like, “If you had three wishes granted by a genie, what would they be?”

I started replying to that question in a comment, and had an interesting realisation. At the moment, I could only think of one thing that I would want to achieve in this magical, effortless way: money. Other things are important to me, of course: spiritual growth, the expression of my creativity, and helping the world become a better place. However, I understood with those that I wouldn’t particularly want a magical, instantaneous resolution of my challenges. I understood that overcoming these challenges myself was part of life, part of why I was here. I understood that doing so was joyful, like a game.

As I contemplated that, I wondered why money couldn’t be that way. And I realised then that there was no good reason why it couldn’t. Money could be another joyful challenge, another part of the game of life. I could enjoy working through my limitations with money.

In my mind’s eye, I realised that I had been always moving away from a fear of not having money, rather than a joyful idea of having money. If I was always running and resisting, I couldn’t enjoy the path. Instead, now, my path looked like a more pleasant walk towards a shining, positive goal.

This seems to be essentially similar to a revelation I had at the beginning of the year, described in my article, Fear Of Being Alone. When faced with the threat of aloneness, I realised that I had been running away from a phantom of aloneness all my life. If I engaged with my desire for company in a positive way, rather than by running away from a fear, things felt rather different. Since having that revelation, I’ve changed the way I do relationships and the way I feel in relationships quite radically.

Now, even though my fear of poverty wasn’t as crushing as my old fear of aloneness, my recent revelation about money also seemed to trigger a big change in my life. While tripping on psychoactive cacao, I recently discovered what I want to be doing long term in my life. The answer seemed really strangely obvious, like it had been staring me in the face all the time. I think I could finally see it because running away from poverty somehow kept me, psychologically, in poverty, while joyfully moving towards abundance seemed to invite inspiration into my life.

As well as this, I recently finally succeeded in opening up an income source for the medium term, which should make my life rather more comfortable. It’s possible to see this as unrelated, but I think from a metaphysical perspective this change was invited by my new attitude and “vibration”. I had attempted to do the same thing twice before, only to meet with devastating failure. This time the same transaction worked smoothly and easily.

I was thinking today about how this shift from “running away” to “joyfully moving towards” could be done in other aspects of my life. I suppose I have now tackled the two biggest areas where it applies, but I also thought today about my housing situation. Despite having a stable place to live now, I still experience fear about losing it. So I thought that instead of running away from fear of instability, I could joyfully move towards a vision of stability. In practice, this only means being a good roommate so that my flatshare has no reason to ever get rid of me; an easy enough task, I believe. However, by shifting my orientation from fear to joy, I suspect I am creating a subtle change in the way I act to achieve my goal.

As I write this, I consider my relationship with food. I recently discovered (see: Ego Death On MDMA) that I have a subconscious fear of starvation. Could identify this fear more clearly, and instead orient myself in a different way, so that I move joyfully towards a vision of keeping myself well nourished?

I imagine there may be other aspects of my life I could apply this idea to, and I’m certain that you readers will find it resonates with you in individual ways. Money, relationships, stability, food… all of the basic things seem to be most likely to generate fear. Try to observe what orientation you have while moving towards your goals, whether it’s away from a fear or joyfully towards an outcome. And consider that you can shift that orientation. If my experiences this year are any indication, doing this could bring you a lot of growth.


Ego Death On MDMA

Fear Of Being Alone

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