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Being Trans Is A Big Thing And A Small Thing


Being trans is both a huge thing and a very small thing.

Small because a gender is really such a small part of who we are. At least compared to how society makes it. For society, people are their genders first, their souls second. For me, people are people first, they’re who their spirit chose to express, and gender is just a small part of it, a detail almost.

Being trans is small because all it is, is this: me, deciding to change my way of expressing myself in clothes and gestures and voice, and, as an extension of that, undertaking body modifications. It’s very comprehensive, but I don’t see it as much different as embracing an identity as hippie or punk. Both involve a set of clothes, mannerisms and even body modifications. It’s not so extensive but I see it as the same thing.


Being trans can be a big thing, though, because society doesn’t see things that way. It makes gender such a big thing. And so, in a way, it is.

It’s big because of all the ways I’m going to have to relearn how to interact with society. It’s big because I have to deal with sexism and transphobia, and because I’m going to have a role and a set of prejudices pushed on me that I’ll have to come to terms with and fight against.

It’s also big because I have to sort out the confusion which society has saddled me with, including internalised sexism and transphobia, as well as ideas about what gender is that I’m going to have to break down and find new ideas for. I’m going to have to find new role models or invent some. I’m going to have to come to terms with the whole of who I want to be, and experience the breakdown of some parts of my worldview in order to accomodate that.

Being trans is also big because society tells me gender is a big thing, and while some part of my subconscious still believes that I’m going to have a heavy weight on my shoulders to hold up.

I know I feel better when I see my gender as a small part of who I am, and my lifestyle changes, while extensive, as basically innocuous. What stresses me the fuck out is thinking that being trans is some life or death thing that makes up the entire part of my personality.

…Or something. I don’t really think that, but society encourages those thoughts in me and I really don’t want to fall for that. Sometimes being trans is a small thing and maybe that’s just great. I’ve had enough of making it a big deal. Let’s get over it already.

Hey, I write, I travel, I know languages. I meditate, I cook and I do comedy — let’s look at those things. I’m pretty interesting and I have some cool things to say. That’s important. My gender isn’t really. Certainly it isn’t more important than writing or cooking. Maybe it’s *as* important – it’s like those things, just one facet of my being.

Conclusion: I’m not my gender. I’m a person.


 

Related:

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Observations On Transsexuality

Transsexual Facebook Updates

More Gender Transition Experiences

Update On Gender Transition

Transsexual Perspective

More Transgender Facebook Updates

{ 2 comments… add one }

  • Anna October 19, 2012, 5:16 am

    Changing parts of your identity is always hard. Even if it’s a positive change! We all get insecure about who we actually are when the parts we thought we were are breaking away. What is left? Like you say: A person. Consciousness. The rest is just random stuff.

  • br November 4, 2012, 10:47 pm

    “Society tells me that gender is a big thing.”
    — Don’t worry about society. They are not like us, that’s why we are indigos. They may call us crazy, but all the more reason it validates how different we are. Plus, genderism is so misconstrued, and misunderstood.
    My philosophy in gender is this: We may be mistakenly born to certain body parts that our brains or souls don’t agree with, or perhaps even an error on the Creator’s part. I don’t know. Or maybe the other gender is just more appealing. Also, often times, someone is born with a ‘different” chromosone make-up than most others. Men are typically XY and women are XX, and sometimes men are XXY which means they may inside be more girly and outside it could be either way, if they have Klinefelter’s they could feel girly inside and simply want their outsides to match. So many people in “society” judge those who are born with different chromosonal makeups. It’s not fair. They assume without knowing facts. They think they see a transvestite or transgender and they want to poke fun, but really, there is usually a good reason behind it. What about hermaphrodites, those born with male and female outside parts? They would be going through turmoil emotionally so they probably feel it’s easier just to pick ONE gender and stick to it, rather than be ridiculed for having both. Then there are those whose gender is unknown, and sometimes it is due to hormonal or chromosonal makeups. I hear too often people ridiculing trans’s when they don’t know the facts. Too many people just assume they are “weird” or a freak but really, most often that is not the case. Of course there may be a case here and there where someone just out of nowhere feels like they want a change or they’re psychotic and decide to change genders for NO reason, but usually there is a significant reason.

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